What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
