Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
