Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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