Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
