can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
