TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
