6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
