Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
