Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
