Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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