it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
