the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
