I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
