i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
