i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
