We won't sleep together?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
