This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
