she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
