So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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