Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
