She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
