I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
