do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
