Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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