You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
