I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
