I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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