LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
