I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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