Pappa wants mamma naked
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drake has all the answers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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