dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
