so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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