chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
