Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
