I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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