Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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