Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
