Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
