Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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