Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
