I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
