in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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