i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
