Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
