I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
