you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
