Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
