I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
