Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you would pick up someone in the library
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
