I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
