I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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