Will you blow on my dice?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
