You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
